Gracie

the end

This is my last post in My Messy Sanctuary. I am not sure yet if I am done blogging or just done with this blog. (Update 1/6/09: You will find me blogging about our new book at UnwrittenTravels.blogspot.com ). And I have no idea what one is supposed to do with an old blog. It is sort of like an old journal that you don't want to throw away, but you don't want it just out there with out being able to defend it. Would love your thoughts.

Anyhoo...

Thank you, precious friends, for sharing in this messy journey with me. Blessings on you and on all you put your hands to this year.

being me

My windows are open. My kitchen floor is mopped and the dishwasher is running. As always there is a ton of laundry to wash, but at least it is hidden away in the garage. Our recycling is overflowing. We have too much junk in our house. Again. I just poured myself a cup of grapefruit juice. So refreshing.

Beginning to think about next year. Already pressing into what is next. But I don’t want to forget what this year gave me. It has been an amazing year. Both of my kids are so happy in school with teachers that make them feel safe and challenged. For the briefest moment, I had an simply organized house. Even if it was just for a few weeks it really was everything I hoped it would be. All of Adam’s jobs have taken off. Our book is becoming a reality any minute now. We found a church. A sweet church home. I have Zumba. I have been reconnected with my own story.

Life is too gracious to me. I am too small for all the gifts it has already given to me. Just to sit here and take it all in makes me want to weep. And there is so much more left to live.

I read this blog yesterday called the Happiness Project. I really like it. The author is a mom and a writer. A real writer. However much I write, I will never be a crafter of words. That is one thing I want to be. But I am Jenny. Being Jenny, as R says in The Last Lecture, is being earnest. I am earnest. No one can ever say I was not earnest.

Being earnestly Jenny, I must remember. I must be thankful. I must let all those precious people in my life know how much I love them. Every single one of them offers my life such a lesson, an offering of their soul to mine. Being Jenny is mostly made up of a million pieces of them.

Being Jenny means I must have some blue days, like yesterday, when I am done being all that I was and before I am ready to be all that I am going to be. Being Jenny means once in a blue moon, I need a break from being Jenny.

And being Jenny means that yesterday is over and tomorrow I need a plan. I love that my plan doesn’t have anything to do with losing weight or reading more of the Bible. I love that I am not going to wake up January 1st trying to be a better person. I am just going to live my life. Earnestly.

it begins today

Christmas preparations have a beginning and an end. Whatever was done or not done by Christmas Eve, it really doesn't matter today. I think that is great. Stamped, sent, wrapped or not..it is finished. I sit here in my pajamas at 11:43 am, still have not eaten breakfast (I think I am done eating for a while), the kids are on their second hour of Wii and it is all good.

"The Journey Begins Today," is a phrase written on one of my daily coffee mugs. I bought two mugs, one for the other Jenny and one for me, with this message to inspire us as we wrote Unwritten Travels. One morning a couple of weeks ago, while juggling schedules for last minute edits, frantic cleaning for a home showing, and emailing a paper off to my professor, I looked at my coffee mug and just laughed. In the middle of all that chaos, how cruel to quip, the journey begins today... Some days, I just want to wrap up every aspect of my life, deposit it on someone else's door step and be done with it.

Another quote that has inspired us in the midst of our book project is: The journey is the reward. How easy that is to forget when I simply want to get all of these things off of my list for good, so that I can relax and enjoy my life. (I am feeling fidgity from all my coffee this morning. Must take a quick break to eat something-cheese and crackers, it is.)

There are very few elements of life that have official endings. I am in waiting right now to complete a degree, to sell a house, to have a book that is finally finished. But all of those endings will, in themselves, be another beginning. Next, we must sell the book, I think I am supposed to begin a career as a counselor, and closest to my heart is to start creating a new home for my family.

So, to wait until it is all finished to be happy and content is a waste of my life.

I am challenged, in this day, to find the reward in the people I get to know and share my life with, in the ways I am being stretched as a person, and in finding God in the most unlikely places.

These are the journey. And I am deeply thankful that it begins today.

snow day

Boy, did we need today.  Late last night we got the call that school was going to be cancelled. My kids were so excited. They went sledding, watched movies, and drank too much hot chocolate while I baked, read, and sat by the fire.  I am still in my pajamas and it is best this way.  I needed a break or I was going to break down.  (But you already knew that, didn't you?)  

By about 3:00 this afternoon, my kids were crabby and weepy, so I sent them to to their rooms for an hour of quiet time.  Avery put all of her clothes on hangers so that her closet looks more like a princess's closet.  Brandon got lost in the world of Artemis Foul.  I took a nap.

There is nothing like personal space (and time away from meeting the world's demands) to provide you with peace and perspective.  It was just one hour.  But it was a long enough pause to change our pace and to help us catch our breath.  

Ferris was right, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't slow down every once in a while, you could miss it."

dream carefully

You never see it sewed onto a little pillow or engraved on a little piece of wood to hang over your door~ DREAM CAREFULLY is not a popular sentiment.

You are probably more familiar with inspiring phrases like,
Dream Big and Reach for the Stars.
Who writes these things? Who believes these things?

People like me. Suckers like me. Suckers.

Right now I feel like a little evil elf has crawled into that place in my heart that dreams big and works hard. And it has beaten the crap out of me.

Don't pity me. My life is still amazing. I have a million things to be thankful for and I do deeply appreciate them. But tonight I need some space to throw a big fat temper tantrum. Because I was FINE with my simple little world. I loved my messy house and my little blog. They are enough for me. Why did I have to go dream up a book? Why did I have to decide to sell and buy a house? Why? Why? Why?

Because they told me to dream big. "They" said it would be worth it. Today is the day it doesn't feel like it is worth it. Today is the kind of day while you are stuck in traffic in the rainiest and most depressing weather of the season, you realize every aspect of your life is stuck in traffic and all you can do about it is sit there and try not freak out.

Today is the day when I wish I would have put on a fire, wrapped myself up in a blanket and stayed in my pajamas until tomorrow.

Dream carefully my dear friends, those dreams just might cost you everything.

cozy beverages

Some of my favorites this season...

For a sunggly and quiet evening~
Vanilla Chai Tea:

• brew tea in boiling water, mix in milk, 1/2 and 1/2, and sugar
• drink while watching White Christmas with your family and a lot of blanketsand pillows

For an after-school treat~
Hot Chocolate Surprise:

• mix 1/2 of a 3 Musketeers bar with 2 c. of milk
• it is best, and easiest, if you have a cocomotion (my favorite kitchen gadget)
• have ready for kids when they get home from school, color Christmas activity pages while sipping this yumminess.

For a romantic night with your honey~
Myan Hot Chocolate:

• 1 quart milk
• 7 ounces mexican chocolate
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 pinch salt
• chili powder (optional)
• slowly heat all ingredients on low temperature. (If you have the cocomotion, you just throw in all the goodies and push the button for a frothy drink.)
• curl up in front of the fire with your love, share an over-sized mug of this spicy cocoa and tell him all the ways he makes your life so wonderful.